Ulysses in Hogwarts
by PadfootTheSirius
Summary: A James Joyce's Ulysses stream-of-conscious style story with same structure but with Sirius, James, and Lily when they are at Hogwarts. This is for good readers because SoC is a weird style but you will enjoy.


**A/N: **This is a stream-of-conscious technique so everything is correct even though it may seem odd. This is the first part of my Joyce Ulysses style story so chapters 1-3 will be from Sirius' POV while the rest will be mostly James. There are a lot of references to other works, a la Shakespeare, songs, and other things, I hope you find them and enjoy them.

* * *

Stately, skinny Remus Lupin entered the Gryffindor's common room, black robed black haired called Black.

--Come down Padfoot, you fearful mongrel.

Sirius Black exited his room and walked down the stairs. Too early. Who is calling me? Lupus? Lupite? Lupin. Yes. Too early. It's Saturday. _Fermez la bouche!_ He entered the common room and saw Lupin standing there. Why is he always so happy this early? Can't you ever sleep in? When I wake up early in the morning I'm still snoring.

--What do you want? It's too early in the morning for your tomfoolery.

--It is alright my son. You are forgiven.

A quick one while he's away. Father Cowley over here is going to continue to talk, please stop.

--Anyway, come down to the Great Hall, let us eat.

--I'd rather sleep.

Sleep is life's nourisher Banquo thou shalt not say I did it do not shake thou gory locks at me.

--I don't care, your going.

Oh I am fortune's fool! Seriously Blacke walked down the stairs moved, stop moving I don't care for them it is too early, and he slowly descended like clappityclappityclap with his droog, each step painful from his blood-deprived legs as though he'd been tolchoked. Why must I follow him?

--Why did you wake me up?

--Padfoot you need to stop questioning me and follow blindly.

Thus spake Zarathustra. I hope he knows I could snap him like a twig.

--Because I'm not Peter.

That little rat. I don't like him he is always around us, Judas, thirty pieces of silver, he will. Bee tray us. As long as Ann hath a way, Ann hath a will.

--Why do you say that? I don't understand why no one likes him...

Because he is a complete imbecile.

--he's a nice guy, I thought it would show everyone that if we hang around him then other people will thus getting him off our hands.

--Do you honestly believe it will work?

--Yes I do.

There is an importance in being earnest. They finally made their way into the Great Hall and it was filled to the brim with people munchunnchunch on their breakfast treats. No don't sit by Peter. Pet it grew. He talks too much. That one day he stared talking at eightoclockinthemorning: _And guess what he said?_: I walked away but lo! at sixthirtythatnight: _dragon bogey_: what are you talking about: _remember this morning?_: I have to go but he follows. I he even talks to me I will:

--Oh hello Sirius, he said brightly perking up as if he had just figured out the meaning of life.

--Hey Peter.

--So Sirius youwillneverguesswhatSnapesaidyesturdayitwassofunnyIcan'tbelieveheactuallysaid

Oh dear Merlin does he ever stop or slow down? There has to be a potion that chills him out because if he continues like this I will have to kill him going to that place for Peter's murder is worth it if it shuts him up. I don't understand how he is so pudgy if he talks so much doesn't that burn of anything? Well, wait, that explains it:

--I sargh himph yefurdaig an he...

Well I guess if he continues to stuff his face while he talks it at lest slows him down. Damn. Hungry. Just fight through it and sit and eat. So Serious sat down next to Remus across unfortunately from piggyPeter and they began to eat.

--So where is James? Sirius asked in between mouthfuls of bacon and sausages and toast.

--Where do you think, replied Remus.

Of course he's been doing that for the past month when will he catch her drift. Mid-drift. She does look fine though. Walked in on her once. Even if it was by accident it was a view to kill. She will never go for him never in a million years. This is good food.

--She's never going to go for it, inputted Sirius.

--Yes I agree, added Peter.

--Ah, don't say you agree with me! I hate when people say they agree with me because then I know I'm wrong!

Just jump across the table and beat him without mercy. Right now. Choke that it grew, he's right there. No. Stay. Calm. Quarantine. Q-U-A-R-I-N-T-I-N-E. Yes, quarantine. Wait no. Q-U-A-R-I, no not I, is it A yes A-N-T-I-N-E. Good. Settle down and let that rat to sit there. _Pogue mahone _you rat I'm on to you but for now I'll sit here and eat my food. Lupis and Piggy are really pissing me off. Usurper. Everywhere I go Peter is right behind me just balbbering on blahblahblahlahlhahaha. Usurper. I can't stand it. Remus thinks he can boss me around I let him think he can do that but it's really James and me in charge. James and I. Not me it's eye. James and I. James' eye. James and:

--Sirius, Professor Deasy wants to see you. Now.

Now. Now now now now no no no no. You have five seconds to get away from me. threetwoone.

--Sirius you better go, listlesslupin said.

Usurper.

--Yes, you better go, added the peskypestinomipig.

Damnit now I have to go this is impossible. Usurper. I will get them later.


End file.
